She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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