but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
