I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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