my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
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you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
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ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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