Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Randomize
