before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Two words: blizzard sex
Randomize
