Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It's shark week go big or go home
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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