If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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