He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
