Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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