if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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