He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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