I wanna bring you to show and tell
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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