just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
do herpes really smell.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
