I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
