No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
