I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
