So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
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You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
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Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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