and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
