Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
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If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
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Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
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