direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
