I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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