Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
