she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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