you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
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We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
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I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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