I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
