The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
