Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
