hell yes lets make some ravioli
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
