Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
