I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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