The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
