My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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