Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
