If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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