just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
