so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
