his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm really busy with my period
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