someone owes me an orgasm
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
