Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
