I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
