We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
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So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
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There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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