Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
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Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
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A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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