I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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