hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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