the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just invented taco cereal.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
