Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
