Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
