wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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