fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
