Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
