I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
