i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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