"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
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