It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
