Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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