Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
